We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
Hi. I probably already told you this mid puke, but thanks again for babysitting me last night. How did I get in the car?
I think I'm still fucked. I can see the electricty going through the street car lines
Everyone threw up but him. I took off my shirt because I puked on it. There were also a lot of drag queens involved.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
do you know how hard it is to bring up the "what do I do if you conk out while we're fucking" conversation while maintaining the dignity of.the narcaleptic girl you just met?
I just think that if you're going to run around naked outside, a feather boa should be involved. Half for the flair and half for an emergency cover.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
He flew in from NY last night. We had sex in the back of my car in the airport parking lot and then he fed me fresh Babka (from Breads Bakery) as I drove him home. I can't decide if I love him or Babka more.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
