I am puke
Just found my girlfriend's stash of animated Japanese porn
And to think, I actually considered breaking up with her
and before you know it i was laying next to him at 2 in the morning with penis and sadness on my breath.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
bah. we'll see. don't give yourself a boner of false hope.
After being his wingman last night, I've decided I will never talk about becoming a lesbian ever again. Picking up chicks is way too hard.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
yup and then I snapped out of it and realized I was playing beer pong against a 4 year old... and losing
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
The cat just brought me a bottle opener. I think she's my soulmate.
I'd ask how but then you'd tell me.
Randomize
