I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
just used a blowie as payment for him having to take the dog out to let her poop.
he kept a regular condom in his wallet just so he could comment on how it wouldnt fit before whipping out the magnums. i give him points for the build up
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
I just had a boat ride of shame. With Senior Citizens.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
Mm. I just want to eat pancakes off of his fine ass.
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
Grass is always greener, Allison, grass is always greener
The grass is drunker and I'm lying down on it
Growing a beard is gonna make smoking a pipe look so much more majestic
no body wants to do anything today cause it's too cold, but a guy can only masturbate so many times a day. Ya know
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
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