i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
now i know why i became what i already was.
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Isn't that the only thing she's good at? Complaining and blow jobs?
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
fuck you
also please return my underwear, they were one of my favourite pairs xo
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
Do you think it's my receding hair line that makes all the milfs attracted to me??
You know you're getting old when you pick up hot sorority girls at the bar, and they write down their phone number, and under it 'we're great babysitters!'
Randomize