and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
Uuh, dude you came running out of the bar screaming you didn't want to hear that song, ran face first into a truck, spun around 3 times and hit the sidewalk. I tried to catch you.
Ok not good, my info has definitely been submitted to this sugar daddy website before.
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
I'm disgusted with myself. Who goes down on their Uber driver? This asshole
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I tried to fuck you in my bathroom while my parents were in the next room. I am a clusterfuck of fun.
Randomize
