I just woke up in bed next to my teacher. Does that mean I'm passing now?
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
All I can remember is posting my chicken burger in the post box. Postman is in for a treat.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
all the one night stand stories i have end with me crying on my RA's floor stuffing cupcakes into my mouth
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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