i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
Randomize
