I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
FYI the landlord called and plumbers will be tearing up the bathroom tomorrow. Apparently the tub is leaking into the apt below us so be sure to pee in the shower today.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
So I found the perfect "Yeah I gained weight since high school but it went to all the right places" outfit for the reunion this weekend.
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
I feel like someone poured gasoline and bleach in my nose and lit it on fire.
Why! I don't feel that at all!!!! I feel jipped
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
I just woke up ass naked on top of all my sheets, with no blinds in my room because i used them as togas, my back is killing me, im covered in sharpie, i have no memory of last night, and im pretty sure im still drunk. I consider the night a success
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
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