Cab driver just said he likes mutual masturbation in the cab. Um
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
she's just sitting in a corner ripping all of the filters off her menthols
I wiped a tear off her cheek with my boner. It cheered her up
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
Our sex bag has now been upgraded to sex luggage, with wheels, and now features a first aid kit. Game. On.
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
maybe these stereotypes wouldn't come up if you would stop taking body shots off another
I am not being the messenger for your booty call.
I spoon fed you cheerios when you were black out drunk. You owe me one.
Urgent. Do not ignore. What does this "=$" shit mean. Quality foreign dick is at stake here
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Randomize
