yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
I'm having a self conscious moment and I need your complete honest opinion of my boobs.
Girl your like that last load of laundry... I'll do you eventually just not tonight.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
