Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
Do you think he woke up this morning, looked at you, and then regretted everything?
I hope this adventure ends at a hospital
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
i always handshake my one night stand, im classy like that.
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
Someone just asked me why I drink so much. Im gonna slap a bitch
he high fived his dick after we had sex
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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