After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
Hippo gnu deer
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
You dont realize corn stalks will cut until you run from the cops through a corn field.
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
I've been asked to reupholster their slam-couch so I found some off-cuts of medical-grade, hermetically sealed fabric. She'll be slammed upon for generations to come.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
That car ride home was pretty awkward. Your feeling up the girlfriend to the guy who's throwing up out the window. Thanks for that.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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