operation harelip BJ is a go
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
A guy in a sombrero stopped to take a picture with me sitting on the curb.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
You'd be amazed at how difficult it is to find pics of the helicopter dick
I am very proud of your internet skills
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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