My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
If you come home and I'm pantsless with cake smeared all over my face, I'm sorry.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
She pooped on me during a reverse cowgirl. And it wasn't a little bit either.
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