I cant date a girl that sucks dick at sucking dick
So guy #2, the dancer, is programmed into my phone under the name H.uy. His number- 11 digits. I should have stopped drinking.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
All i hear is "BITCH BETTER HAVE MY HONEY" and i turn around and there is a dude in a bear costume. It was fur real.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
You've got until 8 and then I'm kicking down your door and pouring a beer down your ass via funnel
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize