just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
I can see my step sister's thong. Don't know if I should let myself be turned on or not
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
And then he posed under the bed and said, "you should draw me like one of your french girls." Why do they keep giving this kid drugs?
the problem is i have six tabs of acid in my freezer and no self control
She's like the King Midas of sexual confusion. Everything she touches turns to gay.
There now exists video of me holding a (recently emptied) bottle of Russian Standard vodka, trying to sing the Russian national anthem.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Sorry I peed on your ottoman
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Randomize
