The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
He kept saying "this is a bad idea" wasn't in his vocabulary. He left at 2 came back at 6 eating frozen waffles and he had a symbol, a moped mirror, and a new MacBook. I'd say he had a good time
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
he needs to hurry and make his mind up... i mean i can't keep getting peed on by a guy who isn't even my boyfriend
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
WHO DOES THAT ON A TUESDAY? This is not a Drake joke, the girl doesn't turn up OR down. She doesn't do anything.
Of course I'm going to see her again. She had waterproof handcuffs in her shower.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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