I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
I woke up at 1pm, looked in the mirror and fist pumped...I might still be drunk
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
even the AIR tastes like tequila.
Don't make this awkward for me. Don't let your mom come near the bathroom. I can't meet your mom for the first time while I'm shitting. Dont make this awkward.
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
Last time i was there we saw the window of the pizza place we were at get busted, we were pulled out of a taxi to be questioned by the cops, and we peed outside a waffle house. I'm in.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I can't get the smell of burned penis out of the house
My boobs smell like weed again. This happens way too often.
He went down on me while I was on the phone with my grandma.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Randomize
