i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
mimosa in my stainless steel water bottle. going green is not that bad.
My grandpa is giving me detailed instructions on how to fight a second floor bedroom fire from a ladder on the out side. Just in case
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
My coworker's brand new computer showed up today. He's on vacation for the next week. Brian and I are installing Windows 98 on it.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
Legit just heard the bartender tell some Dude "Penis is not an accepted currency in this establishment" and Dude responded "You take Vagina then?"
Randomize
