My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
Apparently he always goes for the wrong girl so it should be easy for me to nail him.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
you had a pretty long talk with your shrooms in attempt to make them not give you a bad trip, it failed
Just rescued a super cute pair of Gucci heels off the sorority lawn on my way to work. Things are worth two paychecks. Fuck trust fund kids.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
I told him I would only take his calls if he was dead, dying, capturing a midget, or buying me shots.
I stand by my new policy.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
He gave me a beer, petted my head, and called me kiddo.
A place where it's acceptable to show body parts is not a good place for me to be.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
She doesn't even give a fuck about angle. I seriously gotta start doing like penis yoga or something.
Is there such thing as dick sucking teeth guards?
I passed out in my bed, but woke up on the dog bed,with no pants, snuggling with toilet paper and a bottle of softsoap. Ive hit a new low.
Randomize
