im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
I just introduced him to multiple male orgasms. I love wine AND tequila
as she was beating the hell out of his ex, she screamed prison rules, and smashed her head with a beer bottle. I'm oddly afraid yet so attracted to her now.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
I have a test in the morning in sign language about signs for drugs and alcohol use. Im drunk and rolling a blunt. I've never felt so confident about a grade in my life.
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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