WHY DIDN'T ANYON E TELL ME SHE WAS SIXTEEN
New discovery: conditioner is better for jerking off than baby oil. Fuck yes.
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Remember how I haven't seen my step sister in like 7 years? Pretty sure I just made out with her...
im the best fifth wheel. all four of them separately bribed me to never speak of what happened last night
Between my sister puke and rallying at the bar and my brother sending a drunk passed out naked pic in which his dick was exposed, I don't know which sibling to be more proud of this weekend.
Dude, jerking off when you're all hopped up on pre workout energy supplements has got to be the greatest thing I've ever done.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
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