Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others..
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Our sibling relationship has really blossomed into a wonderful mutual acceptance of sluttyness
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
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