I'd wear matching sweaters with you
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
Most the numbers in my phone are mistakes. It's a virtual graveyard of people I should never pick up for.
I can't get a boner in the bathroom of a buffet.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
I'm pretty sure I just need an IV drip of Plan B at this point...
I just swallowed some ecstasy stuck in my nose from last night. Work should be interesting.
Well I just found a coupon for cheese in the bathroom so I've got that going for me
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
