Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
he actually said the words "do you want to pet the lizard?" with a straight face as he unzipped his pants
you just kept saying 'take out my tanks' and tell the cab driver to go slower, i have no idea what you were talking about but i'm glad you had fun.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
