Ive had to apologize to every girl i know today because of you
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
he kept saying that we were in ian's fun time place and then continued to act like a dinosaur.
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
He burnt his arm on the grill, then turned around and started blaming it on the burger buns...I think it's safe to say he's drunk.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
