You better get here soon. I'm about to spend $30 on a cactus online
I found him crying and drunk, in my closet holding a picture of Tyler Perry. He managed to say"he's just so many people"
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
My legs have surpassed "hairy" and entered the territory of "furry". Maybe I should just suck it up and shave already
No now I'm curious!
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I don't want random pictures of your morning wood. It's like, what a glorious morning oh a penis.
Randomize
