I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
He ate me out. It was like watching him trying to win a pie eating contest
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
He just sent me a dick pic with his iPod held up next to it and the words "in relation to iPod." Geekiest booty call ever.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
We left an ass print on the piano.
I think I've reached that age where I should start dating "congrats" and not "are you keeping it?"
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
It's still 8am.
Yeah, but its wine drunk. WITH A DOCTOR. THAT MAKES MY MORNING CLASSY.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
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