i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
It's sad that he has such a beautiful cock and doesn't know what to do with it.
get over here now. the boys are doing shots of everclear, chasing with monster, and some dude jsut walked in with a backpack full of tattoo gear.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
well I have to shit but I'm too hungover to push, and I snorted advil so I wouldn't have to swallow it and throw up.. hungover is an understatement.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
I had a good weekend too...although I cried about the dog in a drunken stupor last night...not one of my finest moments, but it's all water under the bridge.
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
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