he thought i was a dude.
i cant remember past the part when we filled his tub with skittles.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
I'm using her Instagram as a way to know where in town she is so I can avoid her lol
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
Randomize
