dude, your ex-bf is on match.com
details on that.
well, his profile doesn't say anything about herpes.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
just realized I'm too high to take the plastic off a slice of cheese....
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
Maybe she got knocked up by accident. I still refuse to believe that anyone actually INTENTIONALLY gets pregnant.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
Dude give me 4 good reasons we shouldn't trade girlfriends tonight
By the way I peed in a mug last night cause you were in the bathroom and im pretty sure it is still in the kitchen.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
So we decided we're going to stop having sex...except for tonight. And probably tomorrow.
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
The cop took you back from the hospital and the lady at the front desk said "how are you doing cal?" You said "how do you know my name?" she responded "you're the only person i've ever seen that can throw up in your back pocket." Skills dude.
He saw me naked after our first date and still asked for a second.. so I think we’re doing good
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