If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
yes, i was eatting raw cookie dough and fingering myself at the same time.... is there a problem?
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Yeah we do. It needs to be like a good penis- long, substancial, and able to make people cry.
I woke up on a boat next to an extremely attractive man wearing nothing but a life jacket. Neither one of us owns a boat...
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I've decided to give up hard drugs for the rest of the year.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I offered to trade my cat for a bottle of tequila as long as it had a handle on it and realized I had a problem
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