Betty ford says i'm here all night
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
Corey Haim died. 80's me is so sad
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
Please just tell me how ugly she was so I can bask in the diminishingly small reassurance that might give me
I only want to make out with him. Unless I get hungry. In that case I will take him home and screw him as a distraction from eating.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
he made me cum so hard i had an asthma attack
A drunk frat boy just jumped on the hood of my car while I was driving down Bridge St. He yelled at me to keep going since he was playing frogger and needed another car to jump on... or a log. I hate this town.
Randomize
