fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
I don't know which is more embarrassing, the fact that I shat on the floor today or that I told you about it.
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
The bender is in full force. After 2 bloody mary's at breakfast we are now drinking vodka redbull "as a precaution" so we will stay awake for the club tonight.
dude, showing up drunk to physics was the best idea ever. I just tripled my participation for the semester. I love st pattys day
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
I never forget a pussy, even blackout me gives me that memory.
Pretty sure my parents just hear me get off from the living room but I feel like they should be proud that I did it without a man honestly.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Randomize
