i just realized that no matter how many potstickers i eat, i will never be asian
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
I take that as "no I'm not driving you to the bar in a blizzard"
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I heard them banging and it sounded like he was trying to stuff a fucking coconut into her
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
ya I had reallllllly good sex last night too that will probably get me evicted
This couple is walking their pig around campus
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
No I'm not high but I did cry for over an hour tonight because I realized that they never made a sequel to "Under the Tuscan Sun" with Diane Lane.
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