Multitasking record: pooping whilst putting on shoes and cleaning ear with q-tip. All while texting.
Update: fell off toilet, one shoe on, q-tip still in ear. Not a pro.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
How many times can I tell him I wasnt expecting sex before he realizes I'm just too lazy to shave all the time?
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
Our host-mom was rubbing her back sympathetically going "muy bien, chica" while she puked on the beach. So yeah, I think we got the best one.
lonely sunday drunk me decided to tweeze my pubes. HORRIBLE IDEA
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
I got back and Katie was asleep holding a burrito. I woke her up and she ate it and passed back out.
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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