i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Well at least he stopped keeping track of money by bottles of McCormick.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Aside from the slim chance of pregnancy, I'm gonna call last night a raging success.
I'm sorry, when did "I like your shit" become an acceptable pickup line?
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
I hate when my Bumble matches make it hard for me to stalk them.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
