I woke up and she had breakfast in bed for me
RUN RUN RUN RUN
dude why did you let me call her?!
i told you it was a bad idea and to quote you exactly, you said "no, it's a good idea..that's what people do when they love each other." you met her 15 minutes prior to that conversation...
We didn't go..parents came home with patron wanting to play drinking games --we asked no questions
Listen, Pinot Grigio got me pregnant. It can get you a boyfriend.
Explain to me how "cheap asian titties" is a complement?
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
You pulled down your pants, pissed in the recliner, and wiped yourself with my utility bill. I thought it was in the worlds best interest to put you to bed.
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Tornado booty call.. dedication
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
He's ready to settle down, whereas I'm like "More shots please"
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
