Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
In my next life I better get to be a bird. Fuck flying. I'm gonna shit on your car. Every. Day.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
Do you remember ripping my condom off last night while yelling "I DEMAND MY MEAT RAW" like a Viking?
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
Couch. On fire.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
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