He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
found a naked boy completely buried under a pile of her clothes and terrified...she says she was "saving him for later"
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
The only word I understood in that whole setence was semen.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Honestly I miss having a gay roommate. His female friends' implicit trust in him would carry over to me even though they knew Im straight. Best unintentional wingman ever.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
Ugh. I'm going to die alone, sister. Half-eaten by one of my thirty-seven cats and clutching a martini shaker
It's called life, you pretentious bitch. Grow up.
I've been trying to masturbate for the longest time now and so far I've accomplished getting tangled in my computer battery cord and phone charger and hitting my knee on my laptop.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize