I wanna bring you to show and tell
too bad you can't see the clap by looking at her face.
she is a standing ovation.
She wouldn't go home with me cause I forgot her name. I didn't realize it would matter after she danced with her vagina on my face
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
He was running late for work this morning, so I helped him out by finding a matching pair of black socks. And I hated it. So I'm currently drinking and reminding myself of the reasons I will never get married.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
I tied him up for his boyfriend so he could get fisted... I'm the best roommate ever.
Wow. That's certainly more than I've ever done for a roommate.
I've seen too many naked penises for this to be a normal Monday morning
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
