I don't understand why she insists on me walking her to the door. She came over for literally 8 minutes, we had sex, and now I need her to leave. That fake chivalry will change nothing about the situation.
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
I imagine I kinda look like a banana with one boob out.
I should've realized you were drunk when you began to point at my crotch while yelling "Funland!!!"
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
When we missed a fist bump and simultaneously did the Rocket Power handshake I knew I was going to blow him.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
There's no good way to say, "sorry your son saw me naked on top of your brother"
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
