I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
it was like teleporting. everytime i opened my eyes, i was somewhere different... usually the floor.
Yeah that's a good idea.. I like to be responsible when I trip my nuts off
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
That butt dial turned into a booty call.
Randomize
