I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
God is so good, I would give him a blow job right now.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
I'm not the one who gave a guy that lives next door to my grandmother a blowjob in a pub bathroom in Ireland, you have no room to judge.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Randomize
