first missing my period. then crying at the clinic... but why?
we had sex 3 months ago. you missed your period 2 weeks ago. but nice try.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I'll name the documentary, "The Adventures of Megan's Vagina"
just fed a duck at the lake a weed brownie. it hasnt moved in 20 minutes.
I woke up and we were making out. So the good news is that after two years off the market, I haven't lost a step. I'm picking up girls in my sleep now.
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
Guess who just sucked off 1/5 of one direction?
She's like a solid nine. Well maybe not a tomorrow morning nine, but she's a nine right now and trying to take me home.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Randomize
