she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
did you come by the house last night? I found a half eaten corn dog in the mail box.. I just figured you were drunk and needed somewhere to crash, but your no where to be found. I'll I have is this corn dog. call me when you get this. I'm worried! --mom
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
His premature ejaculation problem is getting old.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
