let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Btw...I puked in my hand last night and threw it on the floor. Don't let me do tequila ever again.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I'll never forget how blunt of a wingman you were. "Excuse me, my friend wants to makeout with someone"
Solid. Can't put a price on good times
You can and it's called a liver.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Hey remember that time you called a woman a "man in a dress" and then threw up in a drinking fountain?
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Look don't ask questions just know that one thing led to another and I have a shot glass stuck in my ass. I need your help!!!
Randomize
