Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
just wanted to thank u for shitting in my dads bidet last night. i had to manually scoop ur shit out of it. btw ur dumped.
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
Eating meat and looking at porn while roommate is at church for Ash Wednesday. Win.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
I took shrooms last night.. For a good half hour I genuinely believed I was black and being held captive by a leaf. Never again.
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
We could get her a gift basket of Xanax l
Where does dick fit into Maslow's hierarchy of needs?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Who brings a stripper to breakfast at the dining hall? What was the plan? Impress her with his meal plan?
Randomize
