i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
When we were grinding I think your nuva ring fell into my shoe
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
Drinking wine from a straw at 6:15 in the morning. This is what college does to people.
BRING KITTENS I AM A GENIUS
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
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