why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
She even gives head with a lisp.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
YOU DID DRUGS AFTER A THREESOME WHO ARE YOU TO JUDGE ME?!!?
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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