I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
He probably put up nude pics. He seems like that kind of guy.
i just ran into our bio chem professor at the bar. apparently, he doesn't follow the "no slapping your students' asses" rule.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
Do you remember giving me altiods and wishing me good luck on the walk home?
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
Im organizing a group to help fondle my shoe. Too many shots dude. Too many.
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
"Masturbate" is an actual item on an actual ToDo list of mine. It is at the top.
Is it bad that I have more guilt over drunk eating Doritos than hooking up with my ex's best friend last night?
Randomize
