I went out, and slept with my sunglasses on
He was all up on my grill like I was having a BBQ. I DONT EVEN KNOW HOW TO USE A GRILL.
Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
the boy next to me on the plane handed me a shot glass, then a perkaset, and told me to have a good week off..hellllo spring break.
You tried to get the stranger on the sea bus to give you a bite of his chicken sub by repeating over and over "im in a girl band"
I get off at the next exit which doesn't have a shoulder, a guy is riding my ass so I cant stop. I think I got as much puke on his car as on mine.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
