Found a waterbottle filled with a bloody mary in my purse this morning. Blacked-out me is always trying to help hungover me, it's so cute.
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
He screamed "Hug me!" and dove into the bushes. How he gets laid every weekend is beyond me.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
There's a picture of you on facebook laying in the street with 3 cops standing over you after you faceplanted off that guy's shoulders.
Is that what happened to my face?!
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
It was like if the scent of sour milk and burning tires had a baby in taste form.
I'm currently drunk proofing my room
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