It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
You have to understand, he didn't so much come out of the closet as he backflipped out of it with an accompanying marching band.
Reports of my death were greatly exaggerated.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
Just had a threesome with a married couple.
Stop living my dream.
you're like an angel sent from heaven to guide my sex life into greatness
Thats so sweet
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
Randomize
