i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
When a man can't even pay attention to you when you're telling him about how big his penis is, there's something wrong
My family will be here in an hour and I'm deciding between doing my makeup or saying fuck it and wearing what's left of last night's...
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Rumor has it that you want to bring me soup in exchange for a blow job.
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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