Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
drinking right out of the bottle and nobody bats an eye.
its good to be home.
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
We just saw two bitche in pink capris jazzercising down the road. On Thanksgiving.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
You left your phone here
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