Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Chasing shots with sriracha-covered mini toast was, in retrospect, not the best idea.
They wouldn't serve more then two Shots per person, so you grabbed a group of strangers and said u werre buying them all shots, then proceeded to drink all of them.
One of my friends took me out last night for a bday celebration and I just now remembered that a man blew fire balls across the bar in honor of my birthday... How drunk do you have to be to forget that?
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
he just kept texting even after we lit his shoelaces on fire. he just calmly walked into the pool... still texting.
I was about to google "rabies and sexual activity." Then I realized I was at work.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
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