its good for cellulite if you don't wear underwear. its true
So for two years my friend Mark has been building a catapult in his basement. Yesterday he realized it's too big to get it out.
You need to give me a reason immediately why he is your friend.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
yeah people on the adjacent balcony, Im naked drinking outside in 0 degree weather at 1pm. got a problem?
I've just stalked all the hot guys who have clicked "attending". I now know which guys are "yes", "maybe" and "no". I only hope my drunk self remembers.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
So in the middle of making out, he decided to give me a breast exam. God I love dating a doctor. He saved me a $20 copay.
He keeps bees of course he's weird
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
