I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
After blacking out and loosing my phone for a month, I found it in the parking lot across the street. Last text "rager in the street". I remember none of this.
There's a certain feeling that only comes from wearing pearls to hide hickeys
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
cmon you know I'm perfectly capable of something that ridiculous 100% sober
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize