Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Nothing says "I Love you" like my dick in a pizza box
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
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