I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
She showed me her tits and my first thought was "I want these to feed my future children." I'm scared.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He cried & told me I reminded him off his mother. I don't want to talk about it. I want to drink about it.
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I found my soulmate. Behold my idiot as we spaz into the sunset.
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
I'm getting drunk off Malibu and watching Drag Race and it's only 2 in the afternoon. I'm the poster child for sad gay men.
Be there in 6 mins I’m smell like fireball. and strippers and need to use your showers before go home
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