So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
does pizza still have the 5 second rule in the bubble bath?
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Just think Febushuary. A whole month of 70's esque bush! This is the dream
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Also, there's a guy walking around the kitchen in a shark onzie, and he just asked if we've ever smoked weed with a shark before. I'm dying
If you need me I'll be getting drunk in a chewbacca onsie like a real adult.
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
