you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
she's like the human form of herpes, as soon as you think she's gone for good you have another out break.
In the middle of blowin me she stoppped and told me how easy it would be to insert a catheter ..... Apparently she was a nursing major
It was honestly like finding a clitoris in a haystack.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
i think i figured out where our problem might have started...when we poured more tequila on top of out margaritas to melt the ice bc they were too cold
hahaha or putting rum in the bbq sauce?
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
we received free cupcakes at the first bar, and then I at the second bar i hooked up with a fat chick from Cincinnati on the patio.
you win some, you lose some.
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
he's really high and upset. he just found out alice from the brady bunch died
He just sprayed AXE in his mouth to get rid of his bad breath... THAT DRUNK
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
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